let me introduce without further ado my 8-day old daughter Berenika - see my pics. We are doing well, both of us and are much in love with each other. I’ll be back on line to catch up soon,

Lid

Let’s hope for the best…and soon… sure hope it’s soon… but probably not before April 15… I’ll let you know in a week or two or three how it all went down. That’s when I’ll have to start thinking about regaining some physical fitness again, and dropping those pounds slowly, too….

Hugs,

Lid

… so I bought the scales. 

I wanted to avoid stress by buying the scales. LOL. Stupid woman. Before I could weigh my luggage I had to weigh myself, right? 

I gained 4 pounds in the first three months of my pregnancy – until beginning of October – and I gained almost another four in this last month alone!!!!! So… from July, I’m already almost 8 lbs heavier. And I’m not even showing much. I tell you, it’s not just the baby. I can’t really tell on the belly. But the arms feel flabbier. My face looks fuller. How much did you gain by the 4^th month of your pregnancy? Most women probably even lose weight because of the sickness… not me…aaaah…. 

It’s not the baby wanting to eat all that pizza or half a loaf of bread in the evening, I’m quite certain. lmao… It is pregnancy related, for sure, I’m following a few pregnancy sites and apparently pregnancy increases the fluctuation of sugar in the bloor… hence the hungry feeling…hence the overeating. I must be extra careful to eat low GI foods to cope with that.  

Marge, I should probably be eating the way you are to curb your diabetes. Any other diabetic buddies out there? Why not give me a few pointers… or better yet… a sample menu for a day… I’d much appreciate it. Nothing fussy, though. I have a policy of only dirtying one pot per one cooking session.

One pot, one plate, one fork, one spoon, one knife.

Instead I just want to hang here, really, because the only thing that I need to keep a tap on is that I continue to eat healthy food and exercise. I need this site because I’ve met some really lovely people on here and I want to keep having all my buddies around. I originally joined this site when I had already lost most of the weight I needed to lose (because I didn’t come across it sooner, unfortunately) but was still battling some minor and some major eating disorders. I was a binge eater. No breakfast, light lunch, starving by dinner time, emptying the fridge, guilt trips, depression, sugar rushes, caffeine addiction… The choice of foods wasn’t what I wanted it to be either. I’ve managed to find a healthy eating lifestyle since being on this site and have almost settled into it, though I still fall off sometimes. I’ve also found a good exercising rhythm and need to stick to it.

Now, if that’s not the best thing for getting through a healthy pregnancy I don’t know what is. This site is holding me accountable. Your successes are holding me accountable. Your troubles are keeping me grounded and are helping me not feel such a loser when I fail or fall into a depressive spell. And if I get a feeling that I have helped someone get through the day a bit it helps me through hard times, too.

So what’s new. I’m 15 weeks pregnant now, third of the way. I’ve started to grow out of my clothes (check out the photos). Just today I had difficulty buttoning my pants, the pants that sort of hung on my hips before… and I couldn’t button up my tailored jacket. Here we go. The baby for whom I had been wandering where it was until now is finally taking the floor. At least I hope it’s the baby and not just me getting fat.

thank you so much for all the support I am getting. Indeed, an update is in order. I am 14 weeks on from when I almost reached my goal in July and I am reporting the first gain. I haven’t gained any weight apart from those 4 pounds in the lst two weeks! That’s all good, right? I think it is.

 I was away speding time with my family last week and it has really been beneficial for me. I saw my pup again at the doctor’s, it is now a good 3 inches long and doing just fine. So I’m counting my blessings and I am indeed so thankful and hoping for the best in the future.

 Apart from that, I have to report that I have been a really good girl exercise-wise. I walk 8 miles every day on average, sometimes more, sometimes less. It’s good for me in terms of mental hygiene as well so I really depend on that. It does take a lot of time, 2 hours in the morning and an hours before bedtime, but it’s sooo good for me. On the bad side, I have been known recently to clean out a whole jar of peanut butter in just two days (and with toast!), or a pound of jelly candy per week. But apart from that, it’s all veggies! I promise! And I’m just not buying any more of the peanut butter or jelly stuff any more. Nope. Well… maybe if I’m really a good girl this week.  :twisted: 

Thank you again for thinking of me, even though I am such a  spoil sport, not being on line much. That may change very soon, sometimes I just can’t stay away from Buddy Slim and I read all my buddies’ blogs regularly. I think it’s a good time on here right now, isn’t it? Everyone seems to be getting on with their struggle. You are all dropping those pounds and becoming healthier and stronger. I worry mostly about Marge and Mark. Marge, you must take better care of yourself, dear. I know it’s a pain, resting, but it is so important. Listen to those that love you. And obey! As for Mark - I choose to believe you’re going alright. I hope you come online again soon.

Hugs and kisses to you. Toodle-pip!

Thank you for all the words of congratulations in my previous blog. I’m happy about it, too, but honestly it was supposed to be just a piece of side news since the rest of the blog was so negative. I’m really preoccupied with my troubles.

I am trying to take one day at a time. Geesh, these days even that seems to be more than I can cope. I really have to get on with my work. But truthfully, all my energy goes into staying away from food (and cigs). An absolute slump. I’ve been trying to convince myself to go for a walk for two days, now, to no avail. I am pushing away the things that help me, and I know that is a typical sign of depression. I’m still struggling to overcome it. Hopefully, I’ll have something better to report tomorrow.

How I wish for more happy days to return. Organised and well functioning days.

After only 2 days back here, I already miss my family. My b/f  officially proposed while we were on holiday in
Paris. Even though it wasn’t a shocker that we intended to get married as we do talk about it all the time, it has still done something, I find. The strangest thing. It has made it harder for him when I left. It seems, however, that I will be moving back home permanently at the end of this year. That will be wonderful. 

My challenges for the week to come are to start coping with work related stress under these new conditions and to change the direction in which the weight ticker moves. It will be much more difficult now that I have to keep food and nerves under control and at the same time work hard again and produce results  - rather than just deal with myself. I’m really concerned about that as major deadlines are breathing down my neck (well, I missed them already, in all honesty, now I just have to minimise the damage) and I really have to work hard and perform well now. I have no idea how I’ll manage that… best not to worry too much, right? It’s unproductive… I’ll be sure to come on Buddy Slim a lot, be certain of that  

Let’s get it on, right? I’ll use this weekend to recompose myself and collect my senses. Sometimes we have to be gentle to ourselves, but at other times, we have to be tough and demanding.  

At this time, I think it’s time for me to wiggle the forefinger at myself, then cross my arms in a reprimanding manner and tell myself: ‘Missy, get your act together. There’s no time like today to do it! Do what you need to do today, you can whine are complain about it tomorrow.’ 

Anyone else needing to do the same?  

Have a great remainder of the weekend.

Why is it like that that when you change the environment, the whole system can fall apart so easily? I have completely lost control over my meals… now they come when they come. I have to eat at my parents’ a lot and even when I’m at my place, my BF enjoys eating sweets, bless him. I don’t have the heart to say no, he is lean and fit and when he’s hungry, he looks at me with a look of a stray dog that hasn’t eaten in a week. I need much more discipline with my food now that I have to keep sweets in the apartment for him. Sometimes, I don’t have enough of it and I go for those cookies or wafers myself. 

And my parents, oh my, for them, food is love. They’re too old to change, every time I protest, my mother worriedly asks me if something is wrong and why I feel nervous. If I persist in explaining her that the way she wants me to eat makes me gain weight, she feels hurt. Maybe I’m not patient enough with her or have a bad choice of words, I don’t know. It’s possible. Whatever the reason, I don’t want to stress them out, so I give up and take the food and thank them. 

Today, for example, I stopped by my parents’ place for 5 minutes to say hi while I was walking my dog in the morning. The result was that I left their place with a sizeable chunk of homemade apple strudel. 

I miss Buddy slim and all of you. I wish I didn’t loose track of what is happening to you. I wish I could at least keep up with the blogs but I can’t. I would need broadband instead of my slow modem for that.  

Well, to cut this lament short, I will try to impose more discipline into my life while at the same time trying to work around everyone else’s agenda. I need to, my eating is completely out of whack. I’ll start using a paper journal again. I’ll stand firm on when I eat my meals. I’ll have to throw an occasional homemade strudel into the garbage. 

Hey, on the good side, you know what? I may have gained quite a few pounds back (all of them, I was 152 thin morning again), but given the hectic diet plan, it’s no surprise. If I wanted to sustain my normal eating plan here, I would ned double the energy and would need to have a very hard talk with my parents or stop going to visit them. I just wasn’t in the Gestapo mode food wise also because I didn’t want to add more stress into my life at this time, because I quit smoking on July 1^st. It’s day 25 of being tobacco free. It’s hard. It’s not really affecting my appetite, but it is affecting my mood and my digestion in a big way. I have to avoid drinking coffee now, because it’s hard to have it with without a smoke, and my blood pressure is so low I just feel lethargic all the time and often have to fight headaches. The lack of coffee has slowed down my metabolism as well, so i feel bloated and puffed up all the time. Aarrhg, you know how it goes. You change one thing and everything starts falling apart. Dash it. 

I’m such a week person. I really need to build up my strength to say no to food and not to seek comfort in it. I’m also really grateful for the fact that there are no cigarettes in the house, because that’s the only thing that keeps me straight sometimes. 

Keep on keeping on, buddies. Hugs and kisses to all, I’m thinking of you and I’ll be back full force after August 10^th. 

I’m thinking of you. Be better than me, buddies. 

I weighed in today, must be after a week or so, but today’s weigh in was under special circumstances. Usually I have to weigh in at the gym in my gym outfit and sneakers, today I borrowed the scale for 15 minutes because I wanted to check if I’ll have to pay for extra luggage at the airport… yeah… I’m parsimonious  :lol:  … 

… so I weighed-in in the privacy of my apartment… in my undies… and I’m 146, 2 lbs down from my last pre-TOM weight. Some of it is clothes, I know. I DON’T CARE! It’s raining cats and dogs outside, I’m poorly, I have a sore throat, a swollen drippy nose, my chest hurts, I haven’t exercised in three days and I can use a bit of good news. I lost a total of 6 lbs since joining BS, I’m one pound away from my mini goal and my BMI is 22 (estimated). I exercised like a dog all this time so I must have built muscle and lost more than 6 lbs of fat since the inches have gone down quite a bit. 

Let this be noted. Let me see if I can at least KEEP the 146 by August 1^st. If that was to happen, I’d be perfectly happy. Very happy. I’d be OK with it even if I went back to 150, in all honesty. It’s not impossible that this would happen. But I’ll be trying for 141.  

Btw, some things I really need to work on. I’ve gotten a cottage cheese look in places where you don’t expect to see that… like the upper part of my belly… not pretty. The saddlebags on my thighs are hanging on with a vengeance while my bras… well, soon, I won’t be needing any, really…except for padding and to stuff in handkerchiefs… 

… well, I’m going for the smart sophisticado look – flat chest and no bum. I managed to get a flat chest – now I just need to work on no bum.