lidecka

Thank you for all the words of congratulations in my previous blog. I’m happy about it, too, but honestly it was supposed to be just a piece of side news since the rest of the blog was so negative. I’m really preoccupied with my troubles.

I am trying to take one day at a time. Geesh, these days even that seems to be more than I can cope. I really have to get on with my work. But truthfully, all my energy goes into staying away from food (and cigs). An absolute slump. I’ve been trying to convince myself to go for a walk for two days, now, to no avail. I am pushing away the things that help me, and I know that is a typical sign of depression. I’m still struggling to overcome it. Hopefully, I’ll have something better to report tomorrow.

How I wish for more happy days to return. Organised and well functioning days.

Holidays are over. I said goodbye to my boyfriend, my parents, my doggie and jumped on an airplane back to where my work is. Apart from some great memories, I have brought back with me one huge success and one small defeat. The huge success is that I’m now 42 days a non smoker, but still having to fight hard at it sometimes on the emotional level. A majority of people in this situation experience a spell of depression and since I’m that way inclined in general, it really came hard. I’m staying away from any medication and channelling it into exercise. It really helps. Or into sleep. Or food. That helps, too, unfortunately… so I’m thinking that it would also help my mood if I now did something to shake off those 9 pounds that I gained last month. 

After only 2 days back here, I already miss my family. My b/f  officially proposed while we were on holiday in
Paris. Even though it wasn’t a shocker that we intended to get married as we do talk about it all the time, it has still done something, I find. The strangest thing. It has made it harder for him when I left. It seems, however, that I will be moving back home permanently at the end of this year. That will be wonderful. 

My challenges for the week to come are to start coping with work related stress under these new conditions and to change the direction in which the weight ticker moves. It will be much more difficult now that I have to keep food and nerves under control and at the same time work hard again and produce results  - rather than just deal with myself. I’m really concerned about that as major deadlines are breathing down my neck (well, I missed them already, in all honesty, now I just have to minimise the damage) and I really have to work hard and perform well now. I have no idea how I’ll manage that… best not to worry too much, right? It’s unproductive… I’ll be sure to come on Buddy Slim a lot, be certain of that  

Let’s get it on, right? I’ll use this weekend to recompose myself and collect my senses. Sometimes we have to be gentle to ourselves, but at other times, we have to be tough and demanding.  

At this time, I think it’s time for me to wiggle the forefinger at myself, then cross my arms in a reprimanding manner and tell myself: ‘Missy, get your act together. There’s no time like today to do it! Do what you need to do today, you can whine are complain about it tomorrow.’ 

Anyone else needing to do the same?  

Have a great remainder of the weekend.