lidecka

I weighed in today, must be after a week or so, but today’s weigh in was under special circumstances. Usually I have to weigh in at the gym in my gym outfit and sneakers, today I borrowed the scale for 15 minutes because I wanted to check if I’ll have to pay for extra luggage at the airport… yeah… I’m parsimonious  :lol:  … 

… so I weighed-in in the privacy of my apartment… in my undies… and I’m 146, 2 lbs down from my last pre-TOM weight. Some of it is clothes, I know. I DON’T CARE! It’s raining cats and dogs outside, I’m poorly, I have a sore throat, a swollen drippy nose, my chest hurts, I haven’t exercised in three days and I can use a bit of good news. I lost a total of 6 lbs since joining BS, I’m one pound away from my mini goal and my BMI is 22 (estimated). I exercised like a dog all this time so I must have built muscle and lost more than 6 lbs of fat since the inches have gone down quite a bit. 

Let this be noted. Let me see if I can at least KEEP the 146 by August 1^st. If that was to happen, I’d be perfectly happy. Very happy. I’d be OK with it even if I went back to 150, in all honesty. It’s not impossible that this would happen. But I’ll be trying for 141.  

Btw, some things I really need to work on. I’ve gotten a cottage cheese look in places where you don’t expect to see that… like the upper part of my belly… not pretty. The saddlebags on my thighs are hanging on with a vengeance while my bras… well, soon, I won’t be needing any, really…except for padding and to stuff in handkerchiefs… 

… well, I’m going for the smart sophisticado look – flat chest and no bum. I managed to get a flat chest – now I just need to work on no bum. 

I’m trying to start the jogging thing and last time I did that was encouraging – I ran for 30 minutes, 20 minutes of that in one stretch! Jolly good, I thought.  

Here’s the thing, yesterday I went for my walk in the morning and then to the gym in the evening to hit the treadmill. Well yesterday was a whole different story. All I could do was 10 minutes of running and 20 minutes of cycling.

Today I fell ill. I have horrible suffocating chest pains, a fever, a sore throat and my head is so swollen my tonsils are peeking out of my mouth and my eyes are popping out of the sockets. :O 

There you go. A plunge in physical stamina is a sure predictor of an approaching illness with me. I’m laying low today, because there’s really nothing else I am able to do anyway, and because I’m doing some major travelling on Sunday. But on Sunday I’ll be once again taking a shower in my own bathroom, sleeping in my own bed, in my own flat, cuddling up to my fuzzy buddy - my dog, I miss him soooooooo  … yeah and the BF, too. I’ll be fine, then. 

But this sort of gets to what Jenn wrote in her blog today… I think our eating problems have detached us from our bodies. I can’t really tell when I should eat… until my stomach starts growling and that is after a whole day of poor nutrition, much too late. I can’t tell when I’m thirsty, either. If I switch my brain off, thirst will actually drive me to the fridge, as my natural reaction to any kind of displeasure is eating. I won’t even start with things like knowing when you need salts, or certain vitamins, or calcium, and so on. So I do what most of us do. We acknowledge that we don’t know what we need and switch any kind of response to our needs off.  

So I keep a water jug on my desk and a glass near the sink and have a glass of water whenever I remember to look at them. I eat at a predetermined hourly schedule and plan all my meals at least one day in advance, but usually three days in advance. I take multivitamins after lunch every other day and 250 mg of vitamin C every night before sleep. I’m a machine, not a sentient human being. I’ve stopped responding to what my body is telling me and now I AM TELLING THE BODY WHAT IT NEEDS. 

Now, if you ask me, that is shameful. But it’s the only way I can live a moderate and balanced lifestyle and keep my weight under control.  

Do you do better? What do you do? How can you tell what you need?  

Or is the answer just to repeat the routine until it gets under your skin? I can tell you that most people that look really well, fit, youthful and emotionally stable are big creatures of habits. They live on a schedule. Probably that really is the answer. Routine. No listening to our bodies.

Food Log

A psychiatrist runs into an old pal of his that he hadn’t seen for a long time and says: “Well, hello there, Pete, what a surprise! Mike told me that you had died!”

Pete says “Well, you see now that I’m still alive and around.”

The psychiatrist replies: “Well, I’m not too sure. I would rely on what Mike says more than on what you say…”

I’m sort of in the psychiatrist-mode right now… I’m about at the upper limit of the size I always wanted to be, but somehow I just can’t believe it. It’s like “I’m there, but am I really there?”, you know what I mean?

I keep doing stupid things food-wise, as if I wanted to see if I can put a few lbs on and then lose them again… just to be sure that I really am there. Why do I do that?!?!?! Why can’t I just have one slice of bread instead of three? Why do I always run out of cheese the same day that I bought it? Aaaargh!

I keep finding myself trapped in these day-to-day yo-yo cycles… today, I count my kcals and exercise like mad, tomorrow I’ll just eat whatever comes my way. I am certain that the minute I would stop my ‘diet’, I would start gaining weight again.

Where the heck is the middle ground? My BF loves bread and I have to be able to have it around and not eat it too much. Same with cheese or sweets. I can be a good girl if I get rid of all the goodies. But…

can someone teach me how to have goodies around and still be a good girl? I have a week to learn this. No pressure….

Lemme try if I can do this… I was away for one day only and when I come back, it’s a whole new world of blogging here! Where are my subscriptions gone? Helooooooo, buddies, I feel lost…

I was away on a seminar and they fed me marvelous food there… oh I think I’ll weigh in on Wednesday to see the damage, but not before that. I was trying to be a good girl, let me see if I succeeded

 Godspeed…

Lid

I put on a skirt today… a skirt that only fit me when I was 142… yes, I