lidecka

Dear buddies,

let me introduce without further ado my 8-day old daughter Berenika - see my pics. We are doing well, both of us and are much in love with each other. I’ll be back on line to catch up soon,

Lid

I’ve started week 38 (of 40) today and my baby is now officially full-term, even if birth starts as I type this. That’s amazing, I was so afraid of complications the moment I found out we were expecting, with my age and family history and everything… I shalln’t be reporting much until I let you know how it all went but I would expect smooth sailing until the very end as I have had absolutely no complications so far - physically anyway. Has my brain melted, though… I’m an emotional wreck, and my sleeping has been off for months and I can’t seem to be able to retain any information… but what can I say… what was I saying anyway..? lol… So my little daughter Berenika (as far as we know, but to be confirmed) is in position for labour, she’s being very lively, and my baby pouch has started descending which as all well according to schedule.

Let’s hope for the best…and soon… sure hope it’s soon… but probably not before April 15… I’ll let you know in a week or two or three how it all went down. That’s when I’ll have to start thinking about regaining some physical fitness again, and dropping those pounds slowly, too….

Hugs,

Lid

I’m posting a quick update. I’ve successfully moved back home and am enjoying the 4th day of my marital bliss, so to speak. My little 6-year old terrier and I are also being reunited, going for 2-hour daily walks and having a blast. How I missed my little guy!!!  

I had another ultrasound on Friday since I’m 22 weeks now - revealing the little one is most probably a bambina – a little girl. I can hardly wait, I almost feel like I’m getting a mini-me, lol. We’re going to name her Veronika, as it comes from Latin words ‘vero’ and ‘icon’, meaning, ‘the true image’. DH and I feel like she indeed symbolises our love more than anything could. I loved this name ever I saw film ‘La double vie de Veronique’ by Krzysztof Kieslowski.

I‘m having another checkup tomorrow, so it may be that I’ll learn something more then, but so far, I’m doing well, and have stayed at the same weight for the last week – what a relief! I was ballooning! 

I’ll be back soon and as soon as I settle down a bit I’ll get up to speed with BuddySlim. All my best, and stay away from the cookie monster! 

I’m taking another flying trip back home next Monday and having done outrageous amounts of shopping I was worried how much I’d have to pay for the extra weight of luggage… so I went and bought the scales… just for that. Silly girl, wouldn’t you think, I’m moving end of the year and won’t need them and was living without them for 2 years just fine… but come the luggage problem… I just had to buy them. You know, I can live with having to pay for a few kilos extra on my luggage; it’s the NOT KNOWING HOW MUCH that I can’t bear. I hate the suspense of that moment when you have to put your suitcase on the check-in scales and then a number appears… and you hoped you would be fine… but then it says ‘2 kgs over’ and the whole drama  starts to unravel while you’re still standing there all miserable at the check-in ……they tell you to get out of the long check-in line and go pay for the extra weight at the special counter and then come back again and stand back in the line… and you loose all the good seats… and you sweat and curse… and you’re running late… and then the security line goes on for ever and you get all stressed… I HATE THAT. And I’m a pregnant woman now, I DON’T NEED THE STRESS…  

… so I bought the scales. 

I wanted to avoid stress by buying the scales. LOL. Stupid woman. Before I could weigh my luggage I had to weigh myself, right? 

I gained 4 pounds in the first three months of my pregnancy – until beginning of October – and I gained almost another four in this last month alone!!!!! So… from July, I’m already almost 8 lbs heavier. And I’m not even showing much. I tell you, it’s not just the baby. I can’t really tell on the belly. But the arms feel flabbier. My face looks fuller. How much did you gain by the 4^th month of your pregnancy? Most women probably even lose weight because of the sickness… not me…aaaah…. 

It’s not the baby wanting to eat all that pizza or half a loaf of bread in the evening, I’m quite certain. lmao… It is pregnancy related, for sure, I’m following a few pregnancy sites and apparently pregnancy increases the fluctuation of sugar in the bloor… hence the hungry feeling…hence the overeating. I must be extra careful to eat low GI foods to cope with that.  

Marge, I should probably be eating the way you are to curb your diabetes. Any other diabetic buddies out there? Why not give me a few pointers… or better yet… a sample menu for a day… I’d much appreciate it. Nothing fussy, though. I have a policy of only dirtying one pot per one cooking session.

One pot, one plate, one fork, one spoon, one knife.

…three beside me that are pregnant. It’s a relief to find that as I thought becoming pregnant meant I should get off and find a site for pregnant women somewhere else, switching to discussing antenantal appointments and food cravings and weight gain (lol).

Instead I just want to hang here, really, because the only thing that I need to keep a tap on is that I continue to eat healthy food and exercise. I need this site because I’ve met some really lovely people on here and I want to keep having all my buddies around. I originally joined this site when I had already lost most of the weight I needed to lose (because I didn’t come across it sooner, unfortunately) but was still battling some minor and some major eating disorders. I was a binge eater. No breakfast, light lunch, starving by dinner time, emptying the fridge, guilt trips, depression, sugar rushes, caffeine addiction… The choice of foods wasn’t what I wanted it to be either. I’ve managed to find a healthy eating lifestyle since being on this site and have almost settled into it, though I still fall off sometimes. I’ve also found a good exercising rhythm and need to stick to it.

Now, if that’s not the best thing for getting through a healthy pregnancy I don’t know what is. This site is holding me accountable. Your successes are holding me accountable. Your troubles are keeping me grounded and are helping me not feel such a loser when I fail or fall into a depressive spell. And if I get a feeling that I have helped someone get through the day a bit it helps me through hard times, too.

So what’s new. I’m 15 weeks pregnant now, third of the way. I’ve started to grow out of my clothes (check out the photos). Just today I had difficulty buttoning my pants, the pants that sort of hung on my hips before… and I couldn’t button up my tailored jacket. Here we go. The baby for whom I had been wandering where it was until now is finally taking the floor. At least I hope it’s the baby and not just me getting fat.

What-ho, my dears  :lol: ,

thank you so much for all the support I am getting. Indeed, an update is in order. I am 14 weeks on from when I almost reached my goal in July and I am reporting the first gain. I haven’t gained any weight apart from those 4 pounds in the lst two weeks! That’s all good, right? I think it is.

 I was away speding time with my family last week and it has really been beneficial for me. I saw my pup again at the doctor’s, it is now a good 3 inches long and doing just fine. So I’m counting my blessings and I am indeed so thankful and hoping for the best in the future.

 Apart from that, I have to report that I have been a really good girl exercise-wise. I walk 8 miles every day on average, sometimes more, sometimes less. It’s good for me in terms of mental hygiene as well so I really depend on that. It does take a lot of time, 2 hours in the morning and an hours before bedtime, but it’s sooo good for me. On the bad side, I have been known recently to clean out a whole jar of peanut butter in just two days (and with toast!), or a pound of jelly candy per week. But apart from that, it’s all veggies! I promise! And I’m just not buying any more of the peanut butter or jelly stuff any more. Nope. Well… maybe if I’m really a good girl this week.  :twisted: 

Thank you again for thinking of me, even though I am such a  spoil sport, not being on line much. That may change very soon, sometimes I just can’t stay away from Buddy Slim and I read all my buddies’ blogs regularly. I think it’s a good time on here right now, isn’t it? Everyone seems to be getting on with their struggle. You are all dropping those pounds and becoming healthier and stronger. I worry mostly about Marge and Mark. Marge, you must take better care of yourself, dear. I know it’s a pain, resting, but it is so important. Listen to those that love you. And obey! As for Mark - I choose to believe you’re going alright. I hope you come online again soon.

Hugs and kisses to you. Toodle-pip!

Thank you for all the words of congratulations in my previous blog. I’m happy about it, too, but honestly it was supposed to be just a piece of side news since the rest of the blog was so negative. I’m really preoccupied with my troubles.

I am trying to take one day at a time. Geesh, these days even that seems to be more than I can cope. I really have to get on with my work. But truthfully, all my energy goes into staying away from food (and cigs). An absolute slump. I’ve been trying to convince myself to go for a walk for two days, now, to no avail. I am pushing away the things that help me, and I know that is a typical sign of depression. I’m still struggling to overcome it. Hopefully, I’ll have something better to report tomorrow.

How I wish for more happy days to return. Organised and well functioning days.

Holidays are over. I said goodbye to my boyfriend, my parents, my doggie and jumped on an airplane back to where my work is. Apart from some great memories, I have brought back with me one huge success and one small defeat. The huge success is that I’m now 42 days a non smoker, but still having to fight hard at it sometimes on the emotional level. A majority of people in this situation experience a spell of depression and since I’m that way inclined in general, it really came hard. I’m staying away from any medication and channelling it into exercise. It really helps. Or into sleep. Or food. That helps, too, unfortunately… so I’m thinking that it would also help my mood if I now did something to shake off those 9 pounds that I gained last month. 

After only 2 days back here, I already miss my family. My b/f  officially proposed while we were on holiday in
Paris. Even though it wasn’t a shocker that we intended to get married as we do talk about it all the time, it has still done something, I find. The strangest thing. It has made it harder for him when I left. It seems, however, that I will be moving back home permanently at the end of this year. That will be wonderful. 

My challenges for the week to come are to start coping with work related stress under these new conditions and to change the direction in which the weight ticker moves. It will be much more difficult now that I have to keep food and nerves under control and at the same time work hard again and produce results  - rather than just deal with myself. I’m really concerned about that as major deadlines are breathing down my neck (well, I missed them already, in all honesty, now I just have to minimise the damage) and I really have to work hard and perform well now. I have no idea how I’ll manage that… best not to worry too much, right? It’s unproductive… I’ll be sure to come on Buddy Slim a lot, be certain of that  

Let’s get it on, right? I’ll use this weekend to recompose myself and collect my senses. Sometimes we have to be gentle to ourselves, but at other times, we have to be tough and demanding.  

At this time, I think it’s time for me to wiggle the forefinger at myself, then cross my arms in a reprimanding manner and tell myself: ‘Missy, get your act together. There’s no time like today to do it! Do what you need to do today, you can whine are complain about it tomorrow.’ 

Anyone else needing to do the same?  

Have a great remainder of the weekend.

I think it may be time to give a short account of my recent misbehaviour. I took a 5-week working vacation break from my job on July 1^st. I‘m now more than three weeks into it  and things are  :evil: … well, judge for yourself. 

Why is it like that that when you change the environment, the whole system can fall apart so easily? I have completely lost control over my meals… now they come when they come. I have to eat at my parents’ a lot and even when I’m at my place, my BF enjoys eating sweets, bless him. I don’t have the heart to say no, he is lean and fit and when he’s hungry, he looks at me with a look of a stray dog that hasn’t eaten in a week. I need much more discipline with my food now that I have to keep sweets in the apartment for him. Sometimes, I don’t have enough of it and I go for those cookies or wafers myself. 

And my parents, oh my, for them, food is love. They’re too old to change, every time I protest, my mother worriedly asks me if something is wrong and why I feel nervous. If I persist in explaining her that the way she wants me to eat makes me gain weight, she feels hurt. Maybe I’m not patient enough with her or have a bad choice of words, I don’t know. It’s possible. Whatever the reason, I don’t want to stress them out, so I give up and take the food and thank them. 

Today, for example, I stopped by my parents’ place for 5 minutes to say hi while I was walking my dog in the morning. The result was that I left their place with a sizeable chunk of homemade apple strudel. 

I miss Buddy slim and all of you. I wish I didn’t loose track of what is happening to you. I wish I could at least keep up with the blogs but I can’t. I would need broadband instead of my slow modem for that.  

Well, to cut this lament short, I will try to impose more discipline into my life while at the same time trying to work around everyone else’s agenda. I need to, my eating is completely out of whack. I’ll start using a paper journal again. I’ll stand firm on when I eat my meals. I’ll have to throw an occasional homemade strudel into the garbage. 

Hey, on the good side, you know what? I may have gained quite a few pounds back (all of them, I was 152 thin morning again), but given the hectic diet plan, it’s no surprise. If I wanted to sustain my normal eating plan here, I would ned double the energy and would need to have a very hard talk with my parents or stop going to visit them. I just wasn’t in the Gestapo mode food wise also because I didn’t want to add more stress into my life at this time, because I quit smoking on July 1^st. It’s day 25 of being tobacco free. It’s hard. It’s not really affecting my appetite, but it is affecting my mood and my digestion in a big way. I have to avoid drinking coffee now, because it’s hard to have it with without a smoke, and my blood pressure is so low I just feel lethargic all the time and often have to fight headaches. The lack of coffee has slowed down my metabolism as well, so i feel bloated and puffed up all the time. Aarrhg, you know how it goes. You change one thing and everything starts falling apart. Dash it. 

I’m such a week person. I really need to build up my strength to say no to food and not to seek comfort in it. I’m also really grateful for the fact that there are no cigarettes in the house, because that’s the only thing that keeps me straight sometimes. 

Keep on keeping on, buddies. Hugs and kisses to all, I’m thinking of you and I’ll be back full force after August 10^th. 

I’m thinking of you. Be better than me, buddies. 

I weighed in today, must be after a week or so, but today’s weigh in was under special circumstances. Usually I have to weigh in at the gym in my gym outfit and sneakers, today I borrowed the scale for 15 minutes because I wanted to check if I’ll have to pay for extra luggage at the airport… yeah… I’m parsimonious  :lol:  … 

… so I weighed-in in the privacy of my apartment… in my undies… and I’m 146, 2 lbs down from my last pre-TOM weight. Some of it is clothes, I know. I DON’T CARE! It’s raining cats and dogs outside, I’m poorly, I have a sore throat, a swollen drippy nose, my chest hurts, I haven’t exercised in three days and I can use a bit of good news. I lost a total of 6 lbs since joining BS, I’m one pound away from my mini goal and my BMI is 22 (estimated). I exercised like a dog all this time so I must have built muscle and lost more than 6 lbs of fat since the inches have gone down quite a bit. 

Let this be noted. Let me see if I can at least KEEP the 146 by August 1^st. If that was to happen, I’d be perfectly happy. Very happy. I’d be OK with it even if I went back to 150, in all honesty. It’s not impossible that this would happen. But I’ll be trying for 141.  

Btw, some things I really need to work on. I’ve gotten a cottage cheese look in places where you don’t expect to see that… like the upper part of my belly… not pretty. The saddlebags on my thighs are hanging on with a vengeance while my bras… well, soon, I won’t be needing any, really…except for padding and to stuff in handkerchiefs… 

… well, I’m going for the smart sophisticado look – flat chest and no bum. I managed to get a flat chest – now I just need to work on no bum. 

I’m trying to start the jogging thing and last time I did that was encouraging – I ran for 30 minutes, 20 minutes of that in one stretch! Jolly good, I thought.  

Here’s the thing, yesterday I went for my walk in the morning and then to the gym in the evening to hit the treadmill. Well yesterday was a whole different story. All I could do was 10 minutes of running and 20 minutes of cycling.

Today I fell ill. I have horrible suffocating chest pains, a fever, a sore throat and my head is so swollen my tonsils are peeking out of my mouth and my eyes are popping out of the sockets. :O 

There you go. A plunge in physical stamina is a sure predictor of an approaching illness with me. I’m laying low today, because there’s really nothing else I am able to do anyway, and because I’m doing some major travelling on Sunday. But on Sunday I’ll be once again taking a shower in my own bathroom, sleeping in my own bed, in my own flat, cuddling up to my fuzzy buddy - my dog, I miss him soooooooo  … yeah and the BF, too. I’ll be fine, then. 

But this sort of gets to what Jenn wrote in her blog today… I think our eating problems have detached us from our bodies. I can’t really tell when I should eat… until my stomach starts growling and that is after a whole day of poor nutrition, much too late. I can’t tell when I’m thirsty, either. If I switch my brain off, thirst will actually drive me to the fridge, as my natural reaction to any kind of displeasure is eating. I won’t even start with things like knowing when you need salts, or certain vitamins, or calcium, and so on. So I do what most of us do. We acknowledge that we don’t know what we need and switch any kind of response to our needs off.  

So I keep a water jug on my desk and a glass near the sink and have a glass of water whenever I remember to look at them. I eat at a predetermined hourly schedule and plan all my meals at least one day in advance, but usually three days in advance. I take multivitamins after lunch every other day and 250 mg of vitamin C every night before sleep. I’m a machine, not a sentient human being. I’ve stopped responding to what my body is telling me and now I AM TELLING THE BODY WHAT IT NEEDS. 

Now, if you ask me, that is shameful. But it’s the only way I can live a moderate and balanced lifestyle and keep my weight under control.  

Do you do better? What do you do? How can you tell what you need?  

Or is the answer just to repeat the routine until it gets under your skin? I can tell you that most people that look really well, fit, youthful and emotionally stable are big creatures of habits. They live on a schedule. Probably that really is the answer. Routine. No listening to our bodies.

Food Log

A psychiatrist runs into an old pal of his that he hadn’t seen for a long time and says: “Well, hello there, Pete, what a surprise! Mike told me that you had died!”

Pete says “Well, you see now that I’m still alive and around.”

The psychiatrist replies: “Well, I’m not too sure. I would rely on what Mike says more than on what you say…”

I’m sort of in the psychiatrist-mode right now… I’m about at the upper limit of the size I always wanted to be, but somehow I just can’t believe it. It’s like “I’m there, but am I really there?”, you know what I mean?

I keep doing stupid things food-wise, as if I wanted to see if I can put a few lbs on and then lose them again… just to be sure that I really am there. Why do I do that?!?!?! Why can’t I just have one slice of bread instead of three? Why do I always run out of cheese the same day that I bought it? Aaaargh!

I keep finding myself trapped in these day-to-day yo-yo cycles… today, I count my kcals and exercise like mad, tomorrow I’ll just eat whatever comes my way. I am certain that the minute I would stop my ‘diet’, I would start gaining weight again.

Where the heck is the middle ground? My BF loves bread and I have to be able to have it around and not eat it too much. Same with cheese or sweets. I can be a good girl if I get rid of all the goodies. But…

can someone teach me how to have goodies around and still be a good girl? I have a week to learn this. No pressure….

Lemme try if I can do this… I was away for one day only and when I come back, it’s a whole new world of blogging here! Where are my subscriptions gone? Helooooooo, buddies, I feel lost…

I was away on a seminar and they fed me marvelous food there… oh I think I’ll weigh in on Wednesday to see the damage, but not before that. I was trying to be a good girl, let me see if I succeeded

 Godspeed…

Lid

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I put on a skirt today… a skirt that only fit me when I was 142… yes, I

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I had a weigh in planned yesterday morning but the scale in the gym went missing and only reappeared this morning. I wish it hadn’t, seeing it show that I’m UP 3 LBS AGAIN!!!!

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Geeze, why can’t I just get out of the 150’s weight already? Sure, that TOM is still here, but just barely… I’m just so fed up and angry about this situation. I was on plan. I did my exercise. Remember the 3oz. of chocolate from heaven? Even half of that is still in the cupboard!!!! No sins, no escapades, and no result! Aaagh! Oh, wait, there is a result… I gained!!!

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I feel like a convict in a prison cell, wanting to turn the furniture over, but it’s all screwed to the floor!!!

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There’s nothing more I can do besides starting to starve myself. And I’m fed up with writing about the same 3 pounds on and off all the time, and I bet you’re sick of hearing about them, too. I’ll try to wrap this up s… into some nice packaging to make it a more positive blog, though it really isn

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Hiya, I just wanted to share my joy with you today. I haven’t had chocolate for a long time… 2 months probably, or anything chocolaty really… no ice cream, no cookies, cakes, fitness bars, puddings, notin’!  I bought myself a pack of cocoa powder and I sprinkle it over fresh oranges and that got me by… sort of… it

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It’s been raining for three days in a row over here, now, with strong gusts of wind and not much sunlight. This and being in that particular time of month is really bringing my blood pressure down, I feel drowsy all the time and today I even woke up with a horrible headache.

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I went for a long walk and came back completely drenched, but now I must get some work done, so I may have to take an aspirin. I’ll make myself something spicy for lunch to get the blood flowing and I’ll just try to keep chugging along and keeping my chin up. . I’m in a good mood, just feeling a bit sedated…

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When I went for my walk I put on my benchmark corduroy pants and they still fit, so I hope that I’m keeping my weight, even though I did have a really bad evening 2 days ago (food wise) . I am dreading the scale, though… I’ll weigh in again on Sunday, I guess…

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To all those people who are complaining about the heat

Well, after having reasonable success with curtailing a binge yesterday, I chose to collect my tokens in advance today and went for an early exercise walk in the rain… I’ll be working late today, I just know it, deadlines are there to be JUST CAUGHT in my view , so I do most of the work the night before and not a minute sooner…

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When I came back from my walk today, it dawned on me…

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… why I sometimes feel a bit more under the weather than usually - even though I feel reasonably healthy and life is good in general…

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… why when I check my ebay history record, I seem to be doing all my impulse shopping  around the same day of the month….

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… why I seem to get into more email quarrels than usually at around the same time…

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… why at that particular time I feel less inclined to wax my legs or do my makeup…

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… why at that particular time also find myself shopping for more food than I need to get by…

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… why at that particular time bring all the art history and poetry books from the shelves…

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…. need more clues? No, it’s not pay day time of month… it’s THAT time of the month.  Booo hooo, that was the reason for the escapade into nuts and choc, for the self pity…

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… why didn’t I catch it before? Because I don’t know the date by hard and I don’t go and check it… ever… because I don’t need to, I know my body well enough that I get warnings well in advance, usually, the swelling, the bad hair days, the bad skin, the sweating, the clothes not fitting very well… well this time, I noticed none of these things! Because I was drinking a lot of water and eating a very healthy diet and losing weight